"In a hoop that never ends"

Well, I haven't written much lately. I've been busy with the summer school schedule, busy reading, busy writing. The reading thing has made me emotionally on edge. I've lashed out at people randomly and I'm sorry. It's probably because right now, it's easier to be mad at people than to hurt because I miss them. Does that make sense?

Yesterday was a good day. Well, it had major ups and downs, but the last few hours were good. I thought that I wouldn't have a chance to do anything for the big festival that was taking place here on Friday and Saturday. Nagi made me work. I think it was hardly necessary considering that more than half my students didn't come. .... But I made a call to Yuki, who called my VT, and she picked me up an hour before work to go get beautified for the fireworks and the festival that night. (I couldn't go after work because the fireworks would already be going. I thought I wouldn't have time, but somehow, we pulled it off!) I got my hair done in this awesome up-do, and then I was dressed in a yukata. Yes. Someone dressed me. :D I felt like royalty. It was a strange, yet satisfying feeling. And my VT's little baby boy kept waving his hand at me while I was getting my hair done, and after I came out from the dressing room. Apparently he does this when he sees something pretty. *aww* *hearttwinge*

I got to work with 5 minutes to spare. Phew! Only had four classes. That's good. None were too difficult. The more difficult students weren't there. heh. Gaishi (8) saw me and staggered, tripping over himself, into the next room. haha, he was so shocked to see me in Japanese get-up. :)

Then my good mood was shattered when, right before my last class, my coworker arrived, complimented me briefly, then told me I couldn't wear that to work. I stood there for a milisecond, then glared, and said, "It's not in the contract." She told me again, "Japanese people can't, aren't allowed to wear that to work." And I, with more danger in my tone told her once again, "It's NOT in the contract. Too late now." and I shrugged, turned my back on her, and continued preparing for my next class. Yeah. i was MAD.

My last class ended, and my older student and her daughter picked me up. Took a picture:

We drove around looking for a place to park (not many options), and missed most of the fireworks doing so. There were a lot of people out, and many were in yukata. Everyone looked so beautiful! (well, except the drunk ones...) We ended up on the roof of an insurance building at their private party (my student is rich and has a LOT of connections, heh heh). It was so cool! I mean, the party was very casual, but the view was great, and the owner gave us drinks. Course, I was a little uncomfortable because part of the time I felt like I was a bigger attraction than the fireworks were... You know, the foreigner. And not just that--the foreigner in a yukata. Awk.ward. But I tried to ignore the staring...

After the fireworks ended, we met up with my church...friends. Yuki looked beautiful in her purple and white yukata!

Then Yuki and I went to a sushi restaurant. It was so good!

That's the Nerdfighter sign. yup. haha

And then we took sticky pictures! It took forever, cuz the booths were kinda broken. But it was totally worth it.

Yes. Nerdfighting. Again. DFTBA! (Don't Forget To Be Awesome!) This is all from Brotherhood 2.0, by the way. Those guys rock.

And here's my hair!

So it was a good night. I've come to two conclusions about yukata since last night. They give those squatter toilets a whole new meaning and use. It's impossible to use a regular toilet wearing a yukata. I had wondered why squatter toilets still even existed in this century. Now I know. haha... And the second conclusion: yukata make you sore! They are very restrictive, and you have to hold yourself differently, walk differently. My legs hurts, and my back. Hmm. Interesting.

Anyway, then the next day came. I wanted so badly to go and see more the things going on for the festival. Yuki had made plans with me, but cancelled. That made me mad, even though it was because her work had made her do overtime (which I don't understand. She ALWAYS does overtime work). So I got ditched. I called everyone I knew, almost (no, didn't all Mitchi..), but no one could/wanted to do anything. I got extremely frustrated, as you can probably imagine. Then I called my Russian friend. She had work, but I suggested making plans for another day. Have I told you all that I am so fed up with people who just don't listen? heh. I was right in the middle of telling her about a movie that was playing when she said, "well, sorry, bye." I was too shocked to say 'bye' back. She hung up on me. And then the water works started. I tried my best to compose myself to call other people, but ended up texting people instead. Again, no one could or wanted to do anything. What IS IT with these people?!?! They kept saying, "oh the fireworks were yesterday, don't you know?" and i said, "yes. i know. i want to see the other things--the shops, the booths, the food, the marching band." No, they did not listen or understand. And I bet you're thinking, 'well julie, go by yourself.' Ha. Very funny. I didn't know where to go, when things were happening, not to mention I'm scared.

Finally calmed down enough to call my Philippino friend Melody. Too bad she said something that triggered the tears again. Then she asked if I was sick because my voice sounded funny. I said, "no. I'm not sick...." But yeah, she couldn't do anything either. Her husband...is an idiot.

I even stooped so low as to think that Nagi would be willing to do something today. HA. Fat chance. Every time I ask her to do something, or ask for help, she makes it out like it's this huge burden for her. I'm so fed up with it. Can I come home?

So I stayed inside all day. Cried a lot. Watched two movies. Finished Eclipse. Pined for Breaking Dawn. Now I can't sleep, even though I have every reason to be tired, and I'm writing this, and it's way longer than I expected it to be. Sorry...

On the up-side, my student Eiko invited me to go with her and her family to Ayakawa tomorrow for their small festival. That will be nice. At least I won't have to face people at church. I might start crying again.

The American sister missionary is trying to be nice to me, be my friend, but it's just... weird. I'm not used to the hugs she gives sometimes and the 'love ya' stuff. She's nice, but ... I think I'm starting to close myself off and not let people in. That's not good. Not to mention that I'm "in a circle; in a hoop that never ends" when it comes to my ... love life. I do it to myself again and again. A victim of the one-sided affair. It's not a happy place to be. I am starting to think that this will always be the case, it's never different, so I should stop trying, and just shut myself off. But I don't want to become a zombie. That's what it feels like. Walking around with no emotion. That's not what I want....

Anyways. phew. I'm glad I got all that out.